Have good intentions. Let the other person know he or she matters to you. Think about the qualities you want to show toward the other person — like honesty, kindness, sensitivity, respect, and caring. Be honest — but not brutal. Tell the other person the things that attracted you in the first place, and what you like about him or her. Then say why you want to move on. Think of ways to be kind and gentle while still being honest. Say it in person. You've shared a lot with each other. Respect that and show your good qualities by breaking up in person.
If you live far away, try to video chat or at least make a phone call. Breaking up through texting or Facebook may seem easy. But think about how you'd feel if your BF or GF did that to you — and what your friends would say about that person's character! If it helps, confide in someone you trust.
It can help to talk through your feelings with a trusted friend. But be sure the person you confide in can keep it private until you have your actual break-up conversation with your BF or GF. That's one reason why parents, older sisters or brothers, and other adults can be great to talk to. They're not going to blab or let it slip out accidentally.
DON'T: Don't avoid the other person or the conversation you need to have. Dragging things out makes it harder in the long run — for you and your BF or GF. Plus, when people put things off, information can leak out anyway.
You never want the person you're breaking up with to hear it from someone else before hearing it from you. Don't rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through. You may say things you regret. Don't disrespect. Speak about your ex or soon-to-be ex with respect. Be careful not to gossip or badmouth him or her. Think about how you'd feel.
You'd want your ex to say only positive things about you after you're no longer together. Plus, you never know — your ex could turn into a friend or you might even rekindle a romance someday. Use these ideas and modify them to fit your situation and style: Tell your BF or GF that you want to talk about something important. Start by mentioning something you like or value about the other person.
For example: "We've been close for a long time, and you're important to me. For example: "But I'm not ready to have a serious boyfriend right now. For example: "So, I want to break up. For example: "I don't want to hurt you. He had shoulders 15 feet wide. He had meat Chiclets. Square superhero chest, like two pieces of Chiclets gum, side by side. Picture Channing Tatum, but haunted by darkness. He was in the ROTC program, it was paying for school, but he hated the military, he hated everything, he just wanted to wander around writing songs on his guitar and….
You get the picture. You have to understand, Top Gun was lady porn for mediocre white girls like me back then. This was before Scientology and Nicole and Katie. My crush looked hotter than Tom Cruise to me, with a singing voice like Jeff Buckley. So I would talk to him after class. He literally did not know my name.
I found out later that he never remembered telling me a thing when he was drinking. He was too drunk. But I was a reckless piece of furniture, so I dumped my perfect, devoted boyfriend and I slept with the haunted Navy motherfucker and I traced tiny circles across his glorious meat Chiclets with my fingers while he mused in gloomy, self-involved circles. I also drank too much and cried into my hands because I missed my best friend, with his big blue eyes and his shiny, happy people holding hands.
The floor fell out from under me: I was in love and I was also in a lot of pain. I had been propped up by my devoted sidekick, and without him, my confidence melted. I was needy and enraged and desperate and sad again. I was miserable and happy.
One of the most definitive patterns that will help you determine when to break up with your girlfriend is when, despite your best efforts, you are unable to get important needs met inside your relationship. If you have been sitting on the sidelines and remaining silent about your needs or worse, using passive-aggressive communication then this is not one of the reasons to break up.
Even and especially if voicing those needs makes you feel uncomfortable. All healthy relationships come from a place of mutual benefit. And every person has specific needs inside of their relationship. Whatever your needs are, own them , while also listening to hers.
Feel no shame in making your needs known and heard. After all, they are your needs and apart from what you need in order for you to be happy and fulfilled inside of a relationship. If she can get away with not meeting your needs for too long or she throws a fury of excuses at you and storms out of the room whenever you bring your needs up, then over time she will not see you as a strong man but a weak man she can control.
Get your needs met and work to meet hers, otherwise, neither of you will be happy. The best thing to do if needs cannot be met for both of you is to break up and find someone else who can meet your needs.
Every day is filled with challenges, confusion, uncertainty, and frustration. We are all caught in a never-ending cosmic struggle against increasingly complex and important problems. No matter how much you love and adore your partner, no matter how attractive she makes you feel or how incredible your sex lives are…things will get hard.
You will have problems. Every relationship has problems. But, by their very nature, problems inside of a relationship can not be fixed by one person. Because these problems are caused by both of you. For example, if your girlfriend is financially irresponsible and spending all of your money , guess what? YOU failed to show up as a grounded man, set healthy boundaries, and respectfully enforce those boundaries when broken.
Whatever problems you are having in your relationship, she has a part in them. Whether she has toxic habits, differing values, or unreasonable expectations, she is contributing to the problems just as much as you are. No matter how much effort you exert, you get nowhere.
One of the most uncomfortable but unavoidable signs you should break up is that you and your girlfriend no longer have fun together and look more like roommates to the outside observer. You had some good times, great times even, but those are now a distant memory. And every time you find yourself wondering how to know if you should break up, your mind immediately jets off to the past, reminiscing about the good times while ignoring the bad times and challenges that are staring you in the face.
They help us grow. And they create fun adventurous times. If your relationship today is no longer fun and joyful. Granted, no relationship will be all fun and games all of the time. Do you find yourself drifting off into daydreams wondering what it would be like to date another woman?
Do you ever look at other couples and envy their connection and intimacy? Most modern studies are showing that traditional monogamy is nothing more than a societal construct. But there is a fundamental difference between engaging in sexual fantasies about other women and actively fantasizing about a reality in which you are dating other women without your partner.
Or, as is more often the case, it could be that your incessant fantasies are indicative of a bigger problem and are one of many signs you feel you deserve or could do better and ultimately, you should break up with your girlfriend. Specifically, by turning to your family and close friends for advice. Your friends and family may not share your values or have any relevant experience that would allow them to help you make the right decision.
Your friends and family are not as attached to your relationship as you are. In most cases, their biggest concern is for your happiness, regardless of what relationship facilitates that happiness. Of all the signs you should break up with your girlfriend, this is both the most important and most difficult to accept.
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